


Lemons Don't Make Sense

by Mizuphae



Series: Early Morning Shenanigans [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Comedy, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Jason Todd-centric, M/M, Tim Drake is Red Robin, Tim Drake-centric, Tim doesn't like idioms, idioms, so much coffee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:07:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26944924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mizuphae/pseuds/Mizuphae
Summary: Life is an asshole! Why won’t it give you any sugar or water?!
Relationships: Tim Drake/Jason Todd
Series: Early Morning Shenanigans [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946197
Comments: 12
Kudos: 192





	Lemons Don't Make Sense

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to robinlikeitshot and kitcat for betaing!
> 
> Enjoy this lil ball of fluff!

Tim stared into his coffee, hands gripping the sides of the ceramic mug. He was asking it what the meaning of life is—why do people need to sleep? Was sleep even necessary? It wasn’t even _that_ necessary for him, at least. It’s only been nineteen hours—oh, twenty-six hours since he had last slept. How was it already tomorrow? Or is it called today, now? 

It’s a lot to ask of a coffee mug, but alas, who else could he ask? Batman? He’d probably reply ‘Justice’ or ‘Vengeance’ or ‘Go Back to Sleep, Tim’ or a nonverbal grunt because he mentally regressed to the prehistoric ages when he _really_ didn’t want to answer a question, or—Tim sighed and thumped his head on the wooden table he was sitting at. 

His head hurt. Mostly from hitting his head on the table, not the best thing to do, but also partly from how long he had been up. But he couldn’t go back to sleep, because he’d made coffee while he was working, but he had finished up the case earlier than he expected, so he had a full coffee pot and stale coffee is _so_ gross, and then he had to drink it all because wasting stuff is _bad_ , especially when it comes to wasting coffee. And it wasn’t like Jason could drink it for him, because Jason didn’t like to drink coffee. Something about too much caffeine, the _coward._

“Why couldn’t Jason also like coffee?” Tim whined underneath his breath.

“Because Jason was raised by his mama, who didn’t want her son to grow up with _any_ sort of substance that could result in an addiction, too.”

Tim turned his head to see Jason shove the door open with an elbow, red helmet in hand. “Didn’t you end up with a nicotine-addictio—”

“Hush, Timmy,” Jason interrupted, putting a gloved hand over Tim’s mouth. “That’s not relevant.”

Tim recoiled, slapping his hand away from his face. “Ugh! First off, gross! You haven’t even taken your gloves off from your night of impulsively throwing yourself off of buildings and making questionable life choices—”

Jason snorted, “Every time you talk about our lives as vigilantes, it sounds worse and worse.”

“—And second of all,” Tim pointed a finger at him. His boyfriend chuckled and pulled at his hand to make it show two fingers. “It is _totally_ relevant.”

He rolled his eyes. “Sure, Tim. Just drink your coffee.”

“Okay, okay.” Tim narrowed his eyes. “But call me Timmy again, and I’ll kick you in the balls.” 

“That a threat, baby bird?”

“It’s a promise, Jay.”

Jason snickered at their banter and Tim took another sip as he watched him pull off his gloves and shrug off the leather jacket. He not-so-subtly glanced at the broad shoulders and _very_ nice thighs. He had already grown accustomed to seeing them around the house, but he still very much appreciated the defined muscles.

Tim yawned, causing Jason to squint his eyes at him. “How long have you been up?”

“Too long,” Tim shrugged.

“You need to sleep, baby bird…” he chided, sliding into a chair opposing Tim. 

“I know that,” Tim scowled, looking back down at his coffee. “Anyway, how was patrol?”

Jason knew better than to continue scolding any further than he already had (that’s how he ended up sleeping on the couch), so he gave Tim a _look_. Once Tim gave him the _eye roll of understanding_ , he went along with Tim’s pitiful attempt at changing the topic. “It was alright. A kinda boring night—”

“Hey, that rhymed!”

Jason pretended to not hear him. “—but I _guess_ that’s what we want. World improvement and whatnot. We’d be jobless but—”

“— _I_ wouldn’t be, because _I’m_ a functional human that contributes to society legally via Wayne Enterprises.”

Jason’s voice turned falsely cheerful, “Gold star for you, Tim! Anything else to add?” Tim only smiled a shit-eating grin. “Anyways, I saw this old—”

“—Elderly.”

Jason glared at him for a second, pausing as if he was irritatedly waiting for Tim to continue interrupting him. When he concluded that Tim probably won’t say anything else, he continued, “ _Okay_ , Tim. I saw this _elderly_ —” He enunciated slowly and mockingly, “—lady getting robbed.”

“Awwww,” Tim cooed, swirling his coffee. “Did you play her daring and courageous hero?”

Jason snorted. “Hero? Yeah, right. After I jumped down from the roof, the lady kicked the mugger in the balls and hit him over the head with her cane.”

“Damn,” he whistled, amused. “She’s a smart independent woman who needs no man. She’s probably also a Gothamite. This place isn’t the greatest place, but at least it gives you pretty good survival skills.”

“Yeah,” Jason grinned. “Well, when life gives you lemons.”

“No.”

“What?”

“Stop, that’s a stupid idiom. Idiom? More like idiotic.”

Jason laughed in an incredibly confused tone. “What are you talking about? Also, you _know_ that was a bad one.”

“You can’t make lemonade from just lemons,” Tim grumbled, gulping down the rest of the coffee and pouring the remnants of the coffee pot into his mug. “Life is an asshole. You need sugar and water. You can’t make lemonade without _sugar and water_. If you don’t mix those in, then all you’ll have is lemon juice!”

Jason watched in mild concern as Tim chugged his coffee that _must_ have been _scalding_ , because it had been resting in the machine prior. 

“And another thing!” Tim contemplated slamming his mug on the table for dramatics, before deciding to place it carefully because hey, while he is a Bat, and that means he liked being just as (but more than, because he’s competitive) dramatic as the next vigilante, he really liked this mug. “It’s saying that lemons are a bad thing! Lemons are awesome! I could eat a lemon all by itself. In fact, one time, I was talking to Dick about peeled lemons, and he dared me to eat one, without any additives. And I did! It was good!”

Noticing Jason’s raised eyebrow at his anecdote, Tim explained, firmly announcing, “I don’t back down. And I like sour things. Don’t judge me.” Tim paused before saying, “I just really hate motivational quotes, in general.”

Jason smiled at his adorable boyfriend. He loved watching Tim’s raw emotions as he ranted about literally anything, getting riled up over the smallest and most inane thing. Tim would always get so absorbed into whatever he was talking about, and he would frantically gesture with his hands as if it would help him prove his point.

“Shoot for the stars and, uh, land amongst the moon,” Tim snapped his fingers as he tried to recall the inspirational phrase. “Uh, what’s the stupid thing?”

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you fail, at least you’ll land amongst the stars,” Jason supplied instantly. And then he blinked. “Why the fuck do I know that?” He mumbled quietly to himself.

Tim patted his shoulder solemnly. “You’re doomed.” Jason only laughs in response.

He drained the last of his coffee and softly smiled at Jason when he held his hands out, offering to rinse his mug for him.

“I’m heading to bed now,” Tim hummed, placing a soft kiss on his cheek and pushing his mug into Jason’s hands.

“Are you going to be able to sleep with all that caffeine in your system?” Jason asked quizzically, ambling over to the sink as Tim followed.

“Yeah, probably,” Tim yawned, as if on cue. “I’ve done this before, ya know? Once I finish my work, I kinda go into sleepy-mode.”

A smile played on Jason’s face. “ _Sleepy-mode_ ,” he repeated in a half-laughing voice as he turned on the faucet, running the hot water over the coffee mug. 

“Shush,” Tim swatted at Jason, laughing with him. “Come to bed with me? Or do you have things to do?” 

Tim wrapped his arms around Jason’s muscular waist as Jason grabbed a dish towel and dried the mug. Jason twisted to place a kiss in Tim’s hair. 

“I gotta do some casework, but that could be a task for tomorrow.” 

They smiled warmly at each other after Jason put down the coffee mug and dish towel, hooking his hand onto Tim’s.

“Bed, now?” 

“Sure, baby bird.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and have a wonderful day/night! If you liked this, consider leaving a kudos and comment <3
> 
> Also, there will be a Whumptober fic(s) coming out very soon, so keep an eye out for that!


End file.
